EQ Today - The Six Second Pause to Manage Emotion

At any given time, there is a broad spectrum of feelings and emotions present in each person's brain and body. You can imagine a room full of people each wearing a t-shirt labeled with a feeling or emotion. Some of the people are really loud and bossy. Others have gotten used to being passive. You listen to them; like real people, you decide who's advice to follow. You make that determination from your beliefs about each feeling-person - who is smart, who understands the situation, who sees the big picture?

Sometimes, one voice gets really loud, and it is very difficult to hear others. In academic terms, this kind of bossiness comes from "hijacking of the amygdala" (see the story to the right) or from "downshifting" (where your brain shifts to a "lower level" of functioning).

In that situation, you have a variety of choices. You can listen to the loud voice, and often encourage it to be even louder. For example, if someone interrupts me, my "I feel disrespected guy" might jump up in my head and say, "Hey, that was rude!" If I turn to him and say, "Yeah, that was rude." He might say, "That person is always interrupting you. I can't believe it. What a jerk!" And my feeling of being mistreated can increase. A few moments go by, and the same voice shouts again, "Hey! You ought to teach that interrupter a lesson. He doesn't respect you. Get him." And the cycle continues - the anger builds and builds. I am fueling it, re-creating it, rehearsing it.

On the other hand, I can choose to not focus on my "I feel disrespected guy." He jumps up, seizes my attention, and starts his song and dance. What I need is a technique to slow down and listen to all the other voices too. Loud voices can be anger, jealousy, judgement, self-doubt - and even happy feelings - the point is to not have one voice dominating your emotional landscape.

Voila - that's where the six second pause comes in.

It turns out that those shouting voices mainly hang out in one part of your brain - the limbic ring. So when they get too loud, if you can use another part of your brain for about six seconds, you create a moment in which you can choose a constructive response to your emotions. You can creatively express the emotions you want to express, and you can do so in a manner consistent with your real goals.

If you want to create a pause, try using the analytical part of your brain - the cortex - for six seconds. The cortex does work like math, language, complex visual or auditory processing, and other "high order" thinking. To get an effective pause, you'll make the cortex work hard on one of those tasks by thinking. And remember, when the "pause button" you've used becomes habitual, it is time for a new one.

Even though this technique sounds easy, it takes practice. Start practicing on little "flare ups," notice the improvements, and be patient with yourself.

Ready to Pause?

Sample Six Second Pause Activities:

The Six Second Pause

by Joshua Freedman

One of Six Seconds' techniques helps create a pause so you can act instead of react. This simple tool is essential!