EQ&A
Teaching Optimism
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A: They are related to personality, but they are learned behaviors. Recent research shows that very young children adopt the optimistic and pessimistic patterns of thought that they observe. Like many traits, “actions speak louder....”
One key difference is how optimists and pessimists see failure (and success). Pessimists see failure as permanent, personal and pervasive, while optimists see it as temporary, non-personal, and specific. Interestingly, their views on success are just the opposite:
| Optimistic view | Pessimistic view | |
| Success | Long term/global
Due to hard work Meaningful/global |
Short term/narrow
Due to accident/fate not meaningful/local |
| Failure | Short term/narrow
Due to lack of my work not meaningful/local |
Long term/global
Due to others Meaningful/global |
To teach optimism, begin by identifying specific (surgically exact!) cause-effect relationships when children experience failure -- Child: "My pen ran out." Adult: “You did not put away your pen, now it is dry.” If necessary, clarify the relative importance -- Child: "I can't believe it, I'll never finish my project, my day is ruined..." Adult: "Well, it must be frustrating for your pen to be ruined, but you can still finish your project."
The first step to moving toward optimism is reframing the situation. An exercise that helps is Optimism Graphs (from Self-Science: The Emotional Intelligence Curriculum). Whenever a situation needs to be reframed, fill in this chart, starting with the row that matches current feelings; then fill in the other point of view:
| How long does this last? | Who's responsible? | How big is this? | |
| Optimistic point of view | |||
| Pessimistic point of view |
For the pen example:
| How long does this last? | Who's responsible? | How big is this? | |
| Optimistic point of view | a few minutes | I am (for leaving pen uncapped) | frustrating, but not important |
| Pessimistic point of view | at least all day | anyone but me! | 8 on scale from 1-10! |
|
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