EQ Today - Behavior, ADHD, and EQ

Q: Does EQ solve behavior problems for kids with ADHD or with a chemical imbalance?

A: All real solutions are long term and combine management with prevention. Sadly, there is no "magic wand" to "solve" complex emotional and/or learning problems. That said, with few exceptions all people have some capability to choose their thoughts, feelings, and actions and to re-choose alternative patterns. At the same time, that "Think-Feel-Act Triangle" is influenced by several factors. The environment (peers, teachers, school tone, parents, TV) is a big influence, as is brain chemistry.

When a child's environment is constantly pushing for certain kinds of behaviors (for example, threat leads to defense), then it is far more difficult for the child to self-manage.

A significant amount of brain chemistry can be altered through EQ. Some people say, "the brain is a pharmacy" (see Eric Jensen's The Learning Brain or Candace Pert's Molecules of Emotion), so self-regulating mechanisms can be trained to re-balance brain chemicals. At the same time, there are people for whom that challenge is too great at first.

For some kids these factors (undeveloped EQ skills, environment, and chemistry) combine and multiply to the point where it is nearly impossible for effective self-regulation. Even in those extremes, though, you can give a kid mountains of medication and change their environment, and the behavior will not change without training the internal EQ mechanisms.

Q: How do you use EQ to help children who keep getting in trouble for "acting out"?

A: There are two parallel approaches. The first is that we all act largely (some say exclusively) based on our emotions. When kids "act out" they are either expressing emotion or reacting to unexpressed emotion. So it is important that they have help and practice to recognize and communicate their feelings. The second approach (which will not work by itself) is to help them align their beliefs and actions.

The most straightforward process is to help the child reflect on what she really wants to have happen and let her discover that the actions she is taking move her away from, not toward, meeting those wants. From this realization it becomes possible to experiment with other behaviors to see which ones get her what she actually wants.

This teaches consequential thinking, which is how we know when impulsivity will be positive or when it's time to delay gratification.

E Q & A

Behavior Problems, ADHD, and Acting Out

		E Q & A Behavior Problems, ADHD, and Acting Out EQ & A is a regular feature of EQ Today. Email us your questions for a future edition!

Search EQ Today Related Articles: EQ & A: Self-Esteem email your comments, questions, and letters to editor@eqtoday.com Subscribe to the FREE Online EQ News:		Q: Does EQ solve behavior problems for kids with ADHD or with a chemical imbalance? A: All real solutions are long term and combine management with prevention. Sadly, there is no "magic wand" to "solve" complex emotional and/or learning problems. That said, with few exceptions all people have some capability to choose their thoughts, feelings, and actions and to re-choose alternative patterns. At the same time, that "Think-Feel-Act Triangle" is influenced by several factors. The environment (peers, teachers, school tone, parents, TV) is a big influence, as is brain chemistry. When a child's environment is constantly pushing for certain kinds of behaviors (for example, threat leads to defense), then it is far more difficult for the child to self-manage. A significant amount of brain chemistry can be altered through EQ. Some people say, "the brain is a pharmacy" (see Eric Jensen's The Learning Brain or Candace Pert's Molecules of Emotion), so self-regulating mechanisms can be trained to re-balance brain chemicals. At the same time, there are people for whom that challenge is too great at first. For some kids these factors (undeveloped EQ skills, environment, and chemistry) combine and multiply to the point where it is nearly impossible for effective self-regulation. Even in those extremes, though, you can give a kid mountains of medication and change their environment, and the behavior will not change without training the internal EQ mechanisms. Q: How do you use EQ to help children who keep getting in trouble for "acting out"? A: There are two parallel approaches. The first is that we all act largely (some say exclusively) based on our emotions. When kids "act out" they are either expressing emotion or reacting to unexpressed emotion. So it is important that they have help and practice to recognize and communicate their feelings. The second approach (which will not work by itself) is to help them align their beliefs and actions. The most straightforward process is to help the child reflect on what she really wants to have happen and let her discover that the actions she is taking move her away from, not toward, meeting those wants. From this realization it becomes possible to experiment with other behaviors to see which ones get her what she actually wants. This teaches consequential thinking, which is how we know when impulsivity will be positive or when it's time to delay gratification.


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